2017

Alhamdulillah ala kulli nikmah. 

It has been three years since my first arrival in UK. And opkos, marking my 3rd year journey in my PhD study :D Teheee. 

Banyak kenangan manis pahit masam manis payau jerih perih sepanjang tahun ni. Alhamdulillah ‘ala kullihal. 

Being here, dikalangan adik-adik undergrad, terasa sangat-sangat kerdil. I am not as brilliant, as excellent, as good as them when I was at their age, not even now (rasanya). Very far different. Contoh, depa ni rajin sangat-sangat datang library. Untuk pengetahuan kawan semua, di universiti sekarang, ada 3-4 library, dan 2 dibuka 24 jam; dekat sini kami panggil IC (Information common) dan Diamond. IC buka sepanjang tahun even on Christmas. Sepanjang undergrad saya di UTM, going to the library was very rare for me, even I can count myself studying in the library in that 4 years. Jangan salah paham, saya walaupun tak pergi library, jangan lah percaya saya ni study dekat bilik. No no, saya tak study sangat pun. Trust me! Malunya bila ingat malasnya waktu dulu, and I believe I can do better. 

Anyhow, sometimes, your future not always defines by what you are now. And what you are now not really portray what you will be and will achieve in future. Not always! But surely there are lessons along the way that makes your future even brighter than today. The key is to LEARN, and keep learning as knowledge will make you a better person with purposes. 

People tend to defines failure very poorly. Saya pun. Dari kecik, rasa useless bila kita lemah dari orang lain, bila kita gagal dalam sesuatu. Perasaan tu membuatkan diri saya terlalu reserve, and as I can remember, I have the ‘nervous disorder’ so badly (tak la bad sangat kot hehe) sampaikan saya tak boleh ke-depan. Present depan kelas, speaking in public, memang takla. I remember when I put very high effort in mathematic because I love Math, but I am very poor with the rest of the subjects. But because of that, I’ve been put in the last class, and of course my parents wasn’t happy. And my inferior worsen. My buku latihan bahasa was thrown away, telinga kene piat, kepala kena hantuk dekat papan hitam :D Yes, the ugly truth. 

Fast forward, (after my ups and down in studies, receiving good and bad results in the exams), during my second year of study, I remember when one of my studio lecturers call me privately during our last studio day, Puan Sapura (now she is Dr.) and Puan Rozinah giving me bits of advice that I won’t forget until today. The same advice as my penasihat akademik during my undergrad, En. (Sifu) Zainul Hakim said to me;

"Saya faham, yang tak semua orang dilahirkan pandai/ cerdik/ berbakat (for what ever it is you define as excellent), dan ada orang perlu usaha untuk bersaing jadi macam diorang yang pandai ni (to be as good as them). Tapi saya percaya semua orang ada kelebihan, macam tu jugak awak. Dan, awak perlu identify kelebihan awak, and work that out. Then you can be successful, in your own way." - as what I remember.

Bayangkan, sepanjang dua tahun pengajian di UTM, CGPA saya hanya 2.6 lebih. Risau sangat macamana la nanti grad nak dapat kerja. Tapi dengan nasihat mereka bertiga, I’ve put aside segala negativity dalam diri, trying to find my own strength and work out with that. 

Tapi, kalau tanya saya sekarang, apa kelebihan saya, saya pun tak pasti :D Tapi apa yang pasti, didalam setiap laluan kehidupan yang kita sedang lalui, akan ada satu kelebihan yang dapat kita manfaatkan untuk membantu kita sepanjang perjalanan. Gunakan lah ia sepenuhnya and keep believing in yourself! Tak perlu dilaung percaya pada diri tu, tapi bergerak/ usaha tu yang penting :) Dan, dan, kalau jatuh, bangunlah balik. Sebab dari jatuh tu kita sentiasa belajar. Kekadang, kesilapan tu adalah pengajaran yang sangat baik untuk kita, sebab kita akan sentiasa ingat. For not to fall in the hole anymore. 

2017.

Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim.